We don’t have the words to properly express how we are feeling. For me personally I have never been so confused and so clear at the same time. I have never been so numb and so emotional at the same time. And, while this is difficult for all Jews, those of us with children still at home take on an extra burden: how do we explain all of this to our children?
How do you help kids (of almost all ages) understand something that is happening a world away? How do you help kids understand why it matters even though we might not know anyone over there? And how, dear God how, do we help them understand that people might hate us for no reason?
I am here to say that you don’t have to explain anything just have the conversation. Your kids do not need to understand, they just need to have a conversation with their grown ups. There is a a lot of research that indicates the importance of children processing tragedies with their parents. Processing… not understanding. They don’t need you to explain the unexplainable. They just need you to hear what they’re feeling and they need to hear that you are feeling things too.
For many of our youngest children (preschool age) they might not be aware of anything so don’t bring it up. But if your kids are going to hear anything about Israel it is better if it comes from you. Children of all ages need just the right amount of information. Let them lead the conversation, answer their questions honestly and don’t answer questions they don’t ask. “I don’t know,” is a perfectly acceptable answer. For the younger children you would be amazed at how little information they need.
And for the oldest children I strongly encourage you to renew a conversation about social media consumption. Based on what has already been on social media and historically what has been posted in hostage situations it is more important than ever for there to be open lines of dialogue with your teens about what they are seeing online. I know it seems impossible but maybe now they would consider taking a break from their social media altogether.
(And while this essay is about your kids… talking about what you’re feeling and being intentional about social media consumption is good advice for us adults as well.)
The articles below have strategies for talking to children about tragedies but also about antisemitism. Please do not hesitate to reach out to me if you want help finding the best approach to have a conversation with your children.
How to Talk to Children about Difficult News: This article from the American Psychological Association isn’t about Israel specifically but offers good tactics for having a conversation.
How to Talk to Kids about What’s Happening in Israel Right Now: This article from Kveller breaks down by age group what a conversation might sound like.
How to Talk to You Children about Tragic Events: From Jewish Family Service
For Parents: In the Face of the Current Situation in Israel: From the Jewish Education Center of Cleveland
We pray for the safe return of those taken hostage. May the memory of those who were killed be for a blessing. And prayers of healing for their families and for all of you as you navigate the complexity of emotions and conversations.